The Things Dave Says

Every day Dave makes us laugh. I thought it would be great to honour Dave by creating a page of quotes just by him :)

Sometime a while back.

"I'm not homophobic. But I can't stand them puffs"


"That bloody Ann Summers has got a lot to answer for."


Today he fell asleep so we didn't get anything particularly funny out of him. Except a snore - and that made us laugh :) Poor Dave's getting old ;)


Again, we didn't get anything wordwise, but he did laugh until drink came out of his schnozz. Can't remember why...


Ooh, lots today...

Dave on bananas: "I buy all the bent buggers just to be awkward"

"I'm telling you. I've always got my back to the action."

"When I go to the pub, you can bet your life if something happens - it's behind me."


"There was a big girl called Scots Jenny who used to provide extra curricular massages"


Dave quotes himself: "There was one bloke who only had one bloody arm. An I thought 'Bloody 'ell! There's 'ope for me yet!'"


Dave's most frquent quote is now - "Don't quote me on that!"


Dave on tornadoes: "It blows like one up my bloody alleyway"


Dave on the education system: "I could never believe it when they allowed them to have calculators instead of mental arithmatic."